My Healthy Goals

 

This blog has now, once more, become my primary blog.  For past year I have been talking about my feelings and struggles on SparkPeople, but that site is closing down. Very disappointed there because I had over 100 blogs written.  Nothing special, but they were my thoughts since beginning of 2019.  I wish I could transfer them all here, but they would make no sense seeing as they went with whatever time of year was going on and the events in my life then LOL I tried going through them to see if any stood out to save and this one did, so I am transferring it here.  Back then I thought it might help if I wrote down my healthy goals. I had mine in my head, but if I wanted to truly fallow through with them, I should publish them. Then I am compelled to achieve them (at least that’s the hope). So here goes nothing LOL

 

1. I want to see my kids grow up, especially my daughter. I started late with her, so if I am not careful, I will miss a lot. I am terrified of that.

2. I want to live. My mom died unexpectedly in 2018. She was one of the healthiest people I know. She died while hiking. She was 2 weeks shy of her 70th birthday. I want to live longer than that. Both my parents are gone now, both died early. My grandparents lived lots longer. My grandma will celebrate her 93rd birthday next month. Her mind is swiss cheese, but her body is still kicking.

3. I want to feel attractive. I know finding love will never be in the cards for me. I have been on my own for way too long (20+years). I cannot even fathom how I would fit a relationship into my world LOL would be too inconvenient. I would however like to feel attractive to opposite sex.

4. I want to be able to move with no pain. Those first few steps when I get up hurt. I hate that. I wish I could just hop up and go, not take a few steps gingerly until I can move again.

5. Buying cute clothes might be fun. I would never go for latest fashion LOL I am too much about comfort. I would like to be able to wear summer dresses. Now I feel too big in them, like I am wearing a tent.

6. I want to feel chilly LOL with so much natural insulation, I am rarely chilled. In Florida that is a problem LOL. Work once gave us all scrub jackets for nurse's week. I never wear one because I am already too hot. The skinny nurses are always cold. I want to be one of them LOL

7. I want to be envied LOL I want other people to see me and wish they could lose weight too. Maybe envied is wrong word, I want to inspire others to lose weight. I want to be the one who loses the right way, with proper diet and exercise. I want people to look at me and want to know how I am doing it.

8. I want to feel more confident. All my life I have felt like I was found lacking because of my looks. I know now that this thinking was absurd. No person cares enough about others to pay them much mind. I am not the center of people's universes LOL you know when you are in a room and you feel like people are watching you? Yeah, they aren't unless you are the speaker, and then they just barely registering you. They have too much going on in their own worlds to pay you much attention. Too me a long time to realize that. Still, I am very shy and try to not be noticed.

9. I want to be more adventurous. I want to be able to do things. Example is lots of the rides in the parks are challenging to get into for a pooh sized person. I hate that. I want to be able to go on those rides. Once we went to a park and my daughter wanted to go on this ride. I didn't realize it had a bar to hold riders in. The bar almost did not close on me. I was feeling so ashamed and afraid that I would have to get off and ruin my daughter's fun. It clicked but it was extremely hard to get it to do that. Ruined my day. There are lots of fun things I want to be able to do, but my size stops me from being able to do so. I say it is cause of fear of heights or getting motion sickness, but it is due to size. My daughter is using my made-up excuses now to be unadventurous. I don't want that for her. I do not want her afraid to try new things. My excuses should not hinder her as well.

10. I want to go to a restaurant and not feel judged over what I eat. If I want to order dessert, I don't want in my head to be thinking that the waitress is not surprised that I ordered dessert. Or if I want a salad to not think they are laughing at me in their head, thinking it is about time I started eating salads.

 

OK there are ten goals for losing weight. Those were hard to come up with. Pinpointing reasons is challenging. Most of the time I just want to lose weight not thinking why I want to lose. Maybe if I start thinking of why more it will help.