The Importance of Being Grateful

 

          Sometimes I suffer from massive anxiety/panic attacks. Logically I know that I am okay, but when I am in middle of one, it is so hard to think logically. I just must force myself to continue normally. Since I am a mom, I must be strong, even when I just want to curl up in bed and hide from world. I work very hard to keep my life drama free in order to minimize anxiety. When stress outside the norm happens, it triggers the anxiety. This past couple of weeks my norm has been upset by car issues. Those are the worst triggers. I never really understood the concept of “triggers” in media, but now I get it LOL. My friend is gifting us their old car since they are moving to England. I just had to pay to get it shipped. First attempt, I got swindled, and lost $200 deposit. Working with bank to try and get it back. So, I had to start all over, find another shipper, more expensive, to get vehicle. Is supposed to arrive next week. So that triggered me. Then last weekend my current car started acting up, battery died, had to get new starter system, and it still did not fix issue. My car is currently gaslighting me. When I take to mechanic, it never acts up, only with me, so they think I am nuts LOL. Every time I start my car, it hesitates. So, every time I drive, I am stressed, wondering if it is going to start. It sucks.

          Anyway, the whole point of typing all of that is this.  Tomorrow starts my 18 days of glorious vacation. I am so excited. Yet, when I left work this morning, I felt such anxiety. Driving home, I had to ask myself why??? I was talking to myself in the car. I started thinking logically, OUTLOUD, and it helped. I had been focused on the little problems instead of the big picture. I am getting a free car; I will now have a back up car. So, it cost me to get it shipped, it is arriving next week. The money I lost; the bank will help me get back. I might not get it registered because I do not have appointment, but I do have appointment on 27^th, so will not be later than that. My current car might be acting up, but it is driving. Mechanic says nothing is wrong with it. My son got a job, so he is getting money. I am on vacation next couple of weeks, so I do not have to worry about his schedule conflicting with mine, the new car will be here so he will have own vehicle to drive before I go back to work. I am on vacation, so have the time to deal with all of this. I have my health, I have lost 30 lbs., and I have time off to try and lose more. It is my favorite season, I love Fall, and tomorrow cooler weather is supposed to hit Florida. There were so many good things. I just had to find them and acknowledge them aloud. It helped me big time. I just have to remember to be grateful :)